Sentient Cockroach Fronts Local Domestic Terror Group

In a baffling example of the bizarre, liberty-loving folks have taken to aligning themselves with the world’s only sapient Periplaneta americana. Housing itself in the city of Keene, the over-sized vermin calls itself Ian Freeman and runs a radio show out of it’s nest on 73 Leverett St. On the show Freeman extols the virtues of moving to NH and getting arrested for petty misdemeanors so he can film it from the sidelines and pelt police officers with accusations of fascism like the brave roach-man he is.

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Freeman after someone turns on a kitchen light. 

Freeman lately took umbrage with SFK lauding the genocide of his people by invoking the terror of exterminators and insecticide gasses. He has labeled SFK a “hate group”. According to polled SFK members, nobody cares because roaches are a disgusting pest. Darth Statist, SFK’s Illuminati liaison and Sith Lord, had a dissenting opinion: “Roaches are gross but have you ever seen Chris Cantwell? Dude looks someone decided to dress a brockwurst up like an alcoholic cab driver.”

Edit: The above post is in dispute. While resembling common household vermin in appearance and behavior, SFK has been informed that Ian Bernard aka Ian Freeman is actually a petty and narcissistic man-child with delusions of grandeur. SFK would like to apologize to insects (humanoid or otherwise) for any harm this mistake may have caused.

Free Keene: 0 | POTUS Candidates: 2

In a repeat showing of hubris, King Shit of Turd Island himself – Ian Bernard –  tried the old-fashioned ambush interview on libertarian-leaning Republican candidate Rand Paul during a campaign stop at Lindy’s Diner. Lindy’s is a popular spot for stumping politicians to glad-hand locals with the most recent being from Hilary Clinton. Bernard’s attempt to insert himself into the scene met with a brush-off and the consternation/mocking of his peers. Why the FSP hasn’t jettisoned such an arrogant and poisonous shithead is beyond the scope of this blog but you can still enjoy a bit of schadenfreude via the screenshots below!

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Free Keene Fruitcake II: Lawsuit Bugaloo!

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Protips for our favorite bald munchkin:

Being a SUPAH-SMAHT legal beagle should lead you to thinking twice about hurling accusations of criminal acts in a public forum. Especially when the evidence for said acts come from the same place your head currently resides.

Speaking of lawsuits: enough with the bravado about filing federal cases. You don’t scare us and neither does your hilariously ironic threat to use the state against us. Please, call in your buddies in the CIA or whatever branch of the federal government you’re claiming to work with/for this week. We’d love to have a chat with them about Ian Bernard and his friends.

No one forged your certificate, punchy. One of your ex’s sent it to us after she got tired of watching your deadbeat ass constantly lie about who you are and what you do. The only bully and “google nut” here is the bald douche bag with multiple identities and a phony accent to accompany the multiple fraud charges under his belt.

This is the kind of trash FK and friends bring to Keene: dishonest, arrogant, and destructive. Phillips is just one person in a long line of guttersnipes who’ve done little but make life miserable for the people of Keene under the auspices of “liberty” and protecting us from the bogeyman only a dipshit with a hyperactive imagination and a Youtube account would find frightening. Someone should send Ian Bernard a trophy or some sort of award congratulating him for breaking the world record for “Most Emotionally, Intellectually, and/or Physically Impotent Members in a Political Movement”.

Matt Phillips Can’t Wait to Sue Us

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This is the 9001 time Free Keene’s Huffy vigilante, libertarian anti-capitalist, and father of the year nominee has threatened to sick the big evil STATE on us. We’re not worried.  Matt’s grasp on legality is as tenuous as his grasp on reality. Both are amusing to watch as they unravel beneath the volumes of bull- and bat-shittery that tumbles from his mouth or keyboard daily. Anticipate Matt threatening to sue Batman for not being real, Santa for failing to deliver a Nintendo 64, and Keene Police for staging war games in Ashuelot Park and not inviting him as a guest lecturer and teacher for the highly advanced Navy SEAL combat techniques that they named after him.

You know you’re a real asshole when people tell you as much and your reaction is to double-down on being a lying shitheel. No wonder Ian Bernard likes having him around.

Cop Block Scumbag Matt Phillips Blames SFK For His Terrible Parenting

Cop Block’s favorite parking lot commando pedaled his Huffy over to the 8th Circuit Court on the 25th to contest custody of his children with a former partner. SFK makes it a point to appear at all FK-related court hearings and had a few members show up to sit in and take note of any information relevant to our activities. Matt was not happy about this and judging from today’s Keene Cop Block missive he blames SFK for his lackluster court performance:

jploonytoonSome Protips, Matt:

1. If you’re going to pose as your live-in girlfriend then try harder to hide the misspellings, grammtical errors, and incorrect use of capitalization that are the trademarks of a JP Centurion shit-post. Especially when you have “her” refer to herself in the third-person while doing all the above, dumbass. This kind of blatant falsehood would be insulting to my intelligence if I didn’t find it so useful an example of the kind of dishonest sacks of shit Ian Bernard rolls with.

2. Your involvement with FK and it’s activities is nothing to brag about and should give the judge reason to bar you from even coming within 500 feet of a child. But that’s none of my business.

3. SFK appears at all FK-related legal proceedings when possible to take notes and make our presence felt. The nature of your case is irrelevant outside of being wholly telling of how much of an unethical dickhead you are.

4. I recommend editing that bit about your exes lawyer working in cahoots with us. I don’t imagine the checks the The Big Bad State cuts you every month can pay for the legal damages rendered by a libel suit. Moron.

A video of Matt’s interaction with various SFK members from the day of his court appearance will be posted in the next few days. In the meantime, here is a picture of J-to the-P of Cop Block doing what he does best: running to the boys in blue when things don’t go his way. Matt actually called the cops and claimed SFK was “harassing him” despite his definition of such an act labeling everything he and Ian Bernard’s shitshow of a group do as the same.

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Remember when Senator Bernie Sanders told off FK?

One day, some irrelevant alcoholic Neanderthal and his equally touched friend wanted to be LOLbertarian superheroes. They decided the best way to do this was to “crash” (read: stand around and yell about shit no one cares about) a Sanders election rally here in Keene on the 6th of June 2015. It did not go as planned..

“Because you’re rude, and you’re shouting out things, and I really don’t like that. Now you can put that on youtube.”  – Sen. Bernie Sanders

Upset that Sanders has more fans and supporters than him, the said Neanderthal wrote a long essay (which I won’t link here because the attention produced by his child-like provocation gives him joy) about how Bernie is dangerous and scary because reasons. Who knows with this guy? He’s so piss-pants scared of his “radical leftist” bogeyman that he probably showers with the curtain open and sleeps with a night light to keep away the Marxist reading group plotting revolution under his bed. Skip to the comment sections of the above linked blog posting for extra hilarity as both supporters and detractors of FK pick apart Ian’s bullshit narrative and blatant lies about the event.

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Chris Cantwell’s Worst Fears Realized

It also never gets old reading or hearing Ian Bernard pretend his second-string team of “activists” are the “independent media”. As if he is fooling anyone into believing emotionally/mentally challenged people being manipulated by a narcissistic sexual deviant with delusions of grandeur as anything but the worst kind of personality cult. Free Keene is the Scientology of libertarianism with none of the money, zero celebrity endorsements, and twice the amount of toxic egoism and shitty writing.