FK Fanboys React to the News

Fanboys and well-wishers of Ian Bernard are upset. Not because they’ve realized they’ve been carrying water for nearly a decade for some amoral freak who is a few sentences off from a walking NAMBLA pamphlet. No they’re upset that SFK shares screenshots of their idiotic conversations. Like this one where the Stone Farm proprietress encourages an internet tough guy to gather information on SFK admins so she can “talk to us”.

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Either Dante is a simpleton or is really eager to impress Katie. Nothing is blocked because we’re a public group, genius. Unlike you clowns we’ve got nothing to hide.

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Hunt the locals. This is the flavor of nutty coat-tail rider that Free Keene attracts.

As for Katie’s sob story: here is SFK’s response.

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Super l33t doxxing skillz, Zer0 Cool! That’s some righteous haxxing compiling a list of administrators on a public forum.

I suggest you take the offered advice of refraining from speaking. Dork.

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I can think of about a half dozen people in your groups who hate Free Keene’s guts and thinks it should die in a house fire. But I think the more important question is why this dumb kid thinks she’s in any position to label us “psychos” given the company she keeps?

More to come as the FK septic tank continues to overflown!

Sentient Cockroach Fronts Local Domestic Terror Group

In a baffling example of the bizarre, liberty-loving folks have taken to aligning themselves with the world’s only sapient Periplaneta americana. Housing itself in the city of Keene, the over-sized vermin calls itself Ian Freeman and runs a radio show out of it’s nest on 73 Leverett St. On the show Freeman extols the virtues of moving to NH and getting arrested for petty misdemeanors so he can film it from the sidelines and pelt police officers with accusations of fascism like the brave roach-man he is.

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Freeman after someone turns on a kitchen light. 

Freeman lately took umbrage with SFK lauding the genocide of his people by invoking the terror of exterminators and insecticide gasses. He has labeled SFK a “hate group”. According to polled SFK members, nobody cares because roaches are a disgusting pest. Darth Statist, SFK’s Illuminati liaison and Sith Lord, had a dissenting opinion: “Roaches are gross but have you ever seen Chris Cantwell? Dude looks someone decided to dress a brockwurst up like an alcoholic cab driver.”

Edit: The above post is in dispute. While resembling common household vermin in appearance and behavior, SFK has been informed that Ian Bernard aka Ian Freeman is actually a petty and narcissistic man-child with delusions of grandeur. SFK would like to apologize to insects (humanoid or otherwise) for any harm this mistake may have caused.

SFK Announces New IndieGoGo Campaign for Rich Paul

In this day and age there is one travesty that we cannot overlook: a man’s right to a clean shirt being forsaken. Since Rich Paul has taken over the KAC as it’s resident clerical ape-man in Chiefwe feel Friar Schmuck here should enter into his office with a shirt that doesn’t sport month-old mustard stains and the stench of cigarette smoke and open ass.

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We’re not going to say what we think this stain is.

Others have commented that Rich’s hygiene habits leave much to be desired and this does raise questions if our efforts are in vain. We’d hate for our brand new shirt to end up in a pile with the other detritus of a life poor lived. Nevertheless, we have started this donation campaign to buy Rich a new shirt and perhaps a book on the joys of bathing. Click here to drop a few pence into our jar for Rich’s sake!

The KAC is No More, But Don’t Celebrate Yet

Put away the party favors and booze: Ian and his dumbass friends aren’t leaving town. Neither has Free Keene gone the way of most other cults of personality as evidenced by the lack of national news reps asking locals what it was like living next to a narcissistic dick (read: it sucks). The demise of the KAC is another case of Bernard playing favorites with his pet gorilla Rich Paul.

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This lends itself to the increasing confusion about the legal status of Bernard’s home. He has professed that he doesn’t own the home. He has professed it to be a parsonage owned by his Shite Fraud Church LLC or whatever the hell he’s calling his transparent tax dodge this week. He claimed the KAC was a separate entity though it was attached to the same building. He charged people money for the privilege of hanging out with assholes whose IQ barely exceeds their shoe size like Johnson Rice and the other assorted shitheels who have graced this site. Now it’s the “SLAP” (a fitting name given that it’s what most of us in Keene would like to do to these clowns) and run by Rich Paul, the first Neanderthal to ever don a clerical collar.

Can’t keep your stories straight, Ian, or are you just as confused as we are about what you’re trying to accomplish with these shenanigans?

Remember when Senator Bernie Sanders told off FK?

One day, some irrelevant alcoholic Neanderthal and his equally touched friend wanted to be LOLbertarian superheroes. They decided the best way to do this was to “crash” (read: stand around and yell about shit no one cares about) a Sanders election rally here in Keene on the 6th of June 2015. It did not go as planned..

“Because you’re rude, and you’re shouting out things, and I really don’t like that. Now you can put that on youtube.”  – Sen. Bernie Sanders

Upset that Sanders has more fans and supporters than him, the said Neanderthal wrote a long essay (which I won’t link here because the attention produced by his child-like provocation gives him joy) about how Bernie is dangerous and scary because reasons. Who knows with this guy? He’s so piss-pants scared of his “radical leftist” bogeyman that he probably showers with the curtain open and sleeps with a night light to keep away the Marxist reading group plotting revolution under his bed. Skip to the comment sections of the above linked blog posting for extra hilarity as both supporters and detractors of FK pick apart Ian’s bullshit narrative and blatant lies about the event.

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Chris Cantwell’s Worst Fears Realized

It also never gets old reading or hearing Ian Bernard pretend his second-string team of “activists” are the “independent media”. As if he is fooling anyone into believing emotionally/mentally challenged people being manipulated by a narcissistic sexual deviant with delusions of grandeur as anything but the worst kind of personality cult. Free Keene is the Scientology of libertarianism with none of the money, zero celebrity endorsements, and twice the amount of toxic egoism and shitty writing.

Bernard Conveniently Forgets His FK History During Gun Tirade

In a grand display of holiday spirit, FK’s guru made a fool of himself by posting a tantrum on April 1st with his less-than-accurate reporting of a campus lock-down incident. As reported by Josh Erickson, SFK’s Minister of Statism and Making Graham Colson Cry:

Once again, Ian embellishes the truth in order to make himself look like a lolbertarian Batman. The Free Stooges and their guru didn’t have an issue until one of their own tried to leave. When he returned to their table and told them the situation they all suddenly had an interest in leaving. The morons would not be denied their chance to stir the pot.

Their idiotic little stunt put the safety of the students, staff, and myself at risk. I’m willing to bet he would have tried to sue someone if that neo-nazi idiot actually shot him or one of the walking punch-lines he hangs out with. He never had an interest in eating at the DC until he found out Andrea and I work there. Now he rolls in every Wednesday with a revolving cast of Merry Morons and pretends he is intimidating instead of a crackpot who is a few cards short of a full deck.

More interesting is Ian’s glossing over of a former FK bloggers responsibility for shooting down the campus gun debate before it left the runway. Bradley Jardis was FK’s golden boy for brief period in 2010 due to his leaving his job as a police officer after allegedly receiving backlash from stating he wouldn’t enforce certain drug laws. In typical lolbertarian fashion, his consistent performance issues and constant bickering with his superiors (which resulted in a suspension) were pushed aside in favor of a deceitful narrative of persecution.

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Jardis and Mozingo at PSU, Dec 2011

Brad Jardis published a Dec 5 press release on Freekeene.com announcing his intention to appear on Plymouth State Universities campus on Dec 9, 2011 with Tom Mozingo brandishing loaded firearms. His intent was to challenge the firearm ban on college campuses but the result was Mozingo and Jardis receiving a restraining order from the University System of NH and torpedoing any chance for a serious discussion about their positions. Fellow liberty activists where not impressed and ultimately the courts found their legal arguments wanting. Jardis accomplished nothing but making it harder for the liberty community to be taken seriously.

It’s obvious where Jardis got his inspiration in formulating such an asinine and ruinous exercise in grandstanding. Ian should look in the mirror if he wants to blame anyone for the current legal status of firearms on NH’s campuses.

Robin Hood founder, 101 Deals Proprietor Arrested in VA

jamescleavelandmugshotJames “The Mastermind” Cleaveland was arrested on 03/02/2015 while en route to his home state of Georgia. Pulled over by VA police for operating an unregistered vehicle (a box truck likely belonging to the 101 Deals store), the officer allegedly discovered Klonopin in the vehicle which James denied ownership or knowledge of. Klonopin is commonly prescribed to treat anxiety disorders and the symptoms of MS but it is also notorious for its recreational uses. It’s an incredibly potent hypnotic-sedative and those who have undergone rehabilitation for addiction to the substance describe the withdrawals as “pure hell”.

Free Keene wasted no time in rallying the moron militia to harangue and harass the jail staff. SFK members contacted the jailhouse for info about Cleaveland’s stay and to express sympathy for what the officers and staff where dealing with. They seemed pleased to know that not everyone thinks these idiots are heroes for believing they’re above the law. It is now unknown how this incident will affect The Mastermind’s suspended sentence from his recent trial. SFK will post updates as more info comes to light.