Satirical Twitter Accounts Taking the Mick Out of Creepertarians

A satirical Twitter account calling itself “Not Porcfest” has appeared in the wake of Free Keene’s kiddie porn implosion and it’s dropping the kind of brutal one-liners that almost compels one to mail Bernard a care package with some Preparation H and a burn kit. Here are a few favorites so far with a self-evident warning that these are extremely NSFW.

A second account calling itself “Ian Freeman Googling” is parody account posing as an aggregator of Ian Bernard’s recent Google searches. As stated above, these tweets are extremely NSFW. But oh so hilarious!

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Robin Hood Trial Exposes FK Hypocrisy

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If you haven’t been out of town in the last week or so you probably know that Keene’s sapient roach infestation staved off another visit from the city’s metaphorical Orkin man. As some SFK forum members have commented: it’s a hollow victory. The public’s opinion of Bernard’s clown car troupe couldn’t be lower and even his peers are leery of associating with him as evidenced by the lackluster turn-out at this year’s Keenevention. Even if FK was able to pull off another court upset the damage to their good reputation (lol) has been lethal.

None can be blamed for avoiding the toxic group when the trial has expertly peeled back the layers of FK hypocrisy and shown Ian to be the charlatan he is. FK has consistently hid behind the Constitution while demonizing the entities that enforce it. Bernard and his peers have no qualms with showing their disregard for governing bodies and the laws they uphold and in some cases advocating violent action against government workers. Ian is even an avowed secessionist and has used “freeman on the land” hokum to get out of a parking ticket.

FK’s ambulance chaser uses the First Amendment to argue that the city’s request for a buffer zone is an infringement of the free speech clause. He uses a batshit interpretation of Article 8 of the NH state constitution suggesting it tacitly condones being a giant prick to government employees. The question that should be asked is why are anti-statists using the state to protect themselves?

This easily leads one to conclude that FK hypocritically argues against the validity of the social contract while reaping it’s benefits. By way of RationalWiki:

The social contract is a political concept proposing that there is an implied agreement between individuals and the society to which they belong, in which they agree to adhere to that society’s laws and norms in exchange for the benefits of thereto belonging. In simpler terms, it is the idea that people naturally give up a small degree of individual liberties in exchange for the protections of society.

Constitutions and laws are social contracts with governments. Taking aside the usual “then unplug your house from the power grid and go shit in a bucket” argument that FK never seems to be able to refute without lame ass”muh roads” jokes, their Robin Hood defense is predicated entirely on faith in their social contract with the State of NH. Again we ask: Why are anti-statists asking the state to protect them when they otherwise disavow the authority of the state?

We believe other more intellectually-endowed people have already answered the question for FK:

Libertarians, hearing such a description, run gagging to the sink. There are no nations, no communities, no families. Only self-seeking individuals exist, and the “common good” is a term invented by fascist oppressors. This is the only answer they have for any social question, from drugs to pornography to fast food. This shopworn and counterintuitive platitude from the Enlightenment is so self-evidently stupid as to require no refutation, though David Hume supplied one in his great essay on “The Original Contract.” Nonetheless, people such as Ayn Rand and the nerds and geeks who cling to her in the naive belief that her rotten novels will turn them into supermen could never understand the fact that human beings are social animals. This is a part of human nature which no libertarian theory can eradicate, and my advice to them is to find another planet where they can all live in solitary caves, where they can snort coke and watch porn videos to their hearts content. Their ideas are irrelevant, not just to present circumstances, but to the human condition.
Thomas Fleming, Chronicles of Culture

Remember when Senator Bernie Sanders told off FK?

One day, some irrelevant alcoholic Neanderthal and his equally touched friend wanted to be LOLbertarian superheroes. They decided the best way to do this was to “crash” (read: stand around and yell about shit no one cares about) a Sanders election rally here in Keene on the 6th of June 2015. It did not go as planned..

“Because you’re rude, and you’re shouting out things, and I really don’t like that. Now you can put that on youtube.”  – Sen. Bernie Sanders

Upset that Sanders has more fans and supporters than him, the said Neanderthal wrote a long essay (which I won’t link here because the attention produced by his child-like provocation gives him joy) about how Bernie is dangerous and scary because reasons. Who knows with this guy? He’s so piss-pants scared of his “radical leftist” bogeyman that he probably showers with the curtain open and sleeps with a night light to keep away the Marxist reading group plotting revolution under his bed. Skip to the comment sections of the above linked blog posting for extra hilarity as both supporters and detractors of FK pick apart Ian’s bullshit narrative and blatant lies about the event.

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Chris Cantwell’s Worst Fears Realized

It also never gets old reading or hearing Ian Bernard pretend his second-string team of “activists” are the “independent media”. As if he is fooling anyone into believing emotionally/mentally challenged people being manipulated by a narcissistic sexual deviant with delusions of grandeur as anything but the worst kind of personality cult. Free Keene is the Scientology of libertarianism with none of the money, zero celebrity endorsements, and twice the amount of toxic egoism and shitty writing.

Free Stooges Crash KSC Commencement; Matt “GI Schmoe” Philips Gets His Ass Kicked

In a move that surprised few, Ian Bernard and the gang made an appearance at Keene State College’s class of 2015 commencement event to “protest” Governess Maggie Hassan. The response from attendees was less than welcoming with the young accompanying the Governess stating “I’ve waited for this day for four years and you’re ruining it”. The mouth breathing shut-ins and assorted other ineffectual dorks that form FK’s fan base are present in the comments to lend their slacktivist support for what is equal to crashing a 6 year old’s birthday party because their parent’s cut you off in traffic. Feel free to leave your own comment asking why they lend their support to “peaceful” people like Dick Paul.

11164224_10206869450159307_7603097193370248193_nSpeaking of dicks, loudmouth Matt Philips finally ran his gob to wrong person and got an ass-kicking for his efforts. According to the Sentinel and our moles, Matt was found tangling with a young male on Water St. as the man’s female companion looked-on. Matt allegedly refused to stop filming the man as he was attempting to care for his intoxicated girlfriend. This resulted in the woman smacking the camera from Matt’s hands and destroying it. Words were exchanged and it came to blows most of which apparently landed on the 40-year-old Philips as he was reportedly taken to the hospital with injuries.

Stop Free Keene doesn’t endorse violence even if it is against pieces of garbage like Matt Philips. However, anyone who claims they didn’t see this coming is full of it. Philips is a chronic instigator in love with the sound of his ridiculous fake accent and over-inflated sense of self that practically begs for someone plant one right in his snout. Matt got what he asked for and I don’t feel the least bit sorry for him. I want to believe this will be a harsh lesson about treating others with dignity and respect but this is Matt Philips. I’d wager on peace in the Middle East, a liberated North Korea, and Firefly being optioned for a second season before I’d bet on anyone associated with FK suddenly realizing they should stop acting like the world’s biggest asshole.

Bernard Conveniently Forgets His FK History During Gun Tirade

In a grand display of holiday spirit, FK’s guru made a fool of himself by posting a tantrum on April 1st with his less-than-accurate reporting of a campus lock-down incident. As reported by Josh Erickson, SFK’s Minister of Statism and Making Graham Colson Cry:

Once again, Ian embellishes the truth in order to make himself look like a lolbertarian Batman. The Free Stooges and their guru didn’t have an issue until one of their own tried to leave. When he returned to their table and told them the situation they all suddenly had an interest in leaving. The morons would not be denied their chance to stir the pot.

Their idiotic little stunt put the safety of the students, staff, and myself at risk. I’m willing to bet he would have tried to sue someone if that neo-nazi idiot actually shot him or one of the walking punch-lines he hangs out with. He never had an interest in eating at the DC until he found out Andrea and I work there. Now he rolls in every Wednesday with a revolving cast of Merry Morons and pretends he is intimidating instead of a crackpot who is a few cards short of a full deck.

More interesting is Ian’s glossing over of a former FK bloggers responsibility for shooting down the campus gun debate before it left the runway. Bradley Jardis was FK’s golden boy for brief period in 2010 due to his leaving his job as a police officer after allegedly receiving backlash from stating he wouldn’t enforce certain drug laws. In typical lolbertarian fashion, his consistent performance issues and constant bickering with his superiors (which resulted in a suspension) were pushed aside in favor of a deceitful narrative of persecution.

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Jardis and Mozingo at PSU, Dec 2011

Brad Jardis published a Dec 5 press release on Freekeene.com announcing his intention to appear on Plymouth State Universities campus on Dec 9, 2011 with Tom Mozingo brandishing loaded firearms. His intent was to challenge the firearm ban on college campuses but the result was Mozingo and Jardis receiving a restraining order from the University System of NH and torpedoing any chance for a serious discussion about their positions. Fellow liberty activists where not impressed and ultimately the courts found their legal arguments wanting. Jardis accomplished nothing but making it harder for the liberty community to be taken seriously.

It’s obvious where Jardis got his inspiration in formulating such an asinine and ruinous exercise in grandstanding. Ian should look in the mirror if he wants to blame anyone for the current legal status of firearms on NH’s campuses.

Free Keene and CopBlock: Should They Share A Portion of Blame for Pumpkinfest?

Did Free Keene and Copblock sow the seeds of the Pumpkinfest Riots? In this video, clips will be exhibited that suggest both groups may share some complicity in the destructive events of Oct 19th. In the months prior to Pumpkinfest Free Keene and CopBlock members canvassed the neighborhoods around Keene State College with anti-police literature and video recorded interactions with students where they pushed anti-police/anarchist agit-prop.

The videos used in the following highlight reel were shot on the 22 and 23 of August 2014. These videos are available in their raw format on Derrick Horton’s Youtube channel. As the viewer will be shown, CopBlock’s literature promotes the idea of law enforcement being akin to a criminal gang and falsely contextualizes all interactions with police as intrinsically violent. The chest-thumping about rights and oppression only obscures the real message of CopBlock which is blatantly anarchist in tone and agenda.

CopBlock and Free Keene purposefully targeted college students knowing that this message would find fertile ground in infamous party scene where nights often end with an awkward phone call to Mom and Dad from the drunk tank. Could their reckless desire for attention and recruits have planted the seeds of destruction that grew into the 2014 Pumpkinfest debacle?