Season’s Greetings and Some Clarification

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, a Krazy Kwanzaa, and a good Festivus for the rest of us! SFK will be taking a break for the holiday season and will return to regular posting in the new year. We hope you enjoy your holiday of choice as much as we enjoy making fun of Chris Cantwell’s receding hairline!

In the meantime, we’ve prepared a small mission statement by way of rebuttal for our detractors to remind them of what SFK is and is not. It will be posted in the About section for later reference. Keep in mind, this is written for people who can’t chew gum and blog at the same time. Excuse the snarky tone if you can actually count to twenty without removing your shoes.

You don’t have any real desire for conversation.
Been there, done that, and we have the overly long block list on Facebook to show for it. We learned quickly that you pricks don’t converse or honorably debate. FK distorts, denies, or blatantly lies about what it has done and what it really wants. When that fails it sends out the keyboard warriors to metaphorically shit on the carpet and declare victory for Libertopia.

We aren’t interested in “conversing” with you morons anymore more than we’re interested in conversing with a naked vagrant furiously waving his member at a fire hydrant. Both of you are about as effective and comprehensible with their intended goals. Both of you are an embarrassment at best and a danger to others at worst.

We’re not arguing the validity of libertarianism versus whatever bogeyman wants to steal your weed and prevent access to dark web child pornography. We just want FK to stop being assholes. Don’t be an asshole.

You don’t have any real ideas.
What’s that phrase that you like to use? “Good ideas don’t require force?”. Then why are all of FK’s ideas seemingly handed to the people of Keene with a tacit “or else”?

Adhere to my asshat definition of freedom or else I’ll stick a camera in your face and set my unhinged fanboys on you.

Let me do as I please or else I’ll post your name and address on my blog so the crackpots who hang on my every word can harass you and your family.

Let me utilize the benefits of society without having to pay for them or else I’ll bog down the local courts with horse shit litigation.

Let me open an equally horse shit church or else I’ll waste the city’s time and assets arguing that my obvious shell game is a real house of worship.

Here is an idea for those who insist on a thesis for SFK: Don’t be an asshole.

You’re nothing but a hate group and attack site.
Please. Enough of this bullshit. You don’t want dialogue. You want to make some tone arguments and transparently attempt to re-frame our criticisms as politically-motivated because that would legitimizes you

Protip: your politics and ideas are a joke and constitute the fringe of an already fringe ideology. Your threat to the status quo is about as impressive as a fart in a wind tunnel. SFK isn’t here to debate politics. We hate assholes and attack their behavior.

Don’t want to be a target? Don’t be an asshole.

Blah, blah, statist, blah, blah, blah, tax cattle, blah, blah
We don’t care about Free Keene’s religious belief in free markets or digital currency (as funny as they are). Using political slurs and snarl-words against us makes as much sense as calling the Unitarian Universalist Church a conservative evangelical organization.

FK is a personality cult on par with the Westboro Baptist Church. People don’t hate the WBC for being Christian or because they are atheist, Buddhist, Neopagan, etc. They hate them for being harmful, bigoted shitheads.

They reduce the quality of life for any who have been forced to deal with them. They do their part to drop humanity’s collective IQ to slightly above “potato with googly eyes”. They attempt to hurt and harass critics by publishing their personal information, defamatory screeds full of skewed half-truths or outright fabrications about them, and celebrating their tragedies as a victory for the cause.

Don’t want to be likened too such assholes? Don’t be an asshole.

Breaking it down: We don’t like assholes. Free Keene is full of assholes. We mock and expose these assholes and their antics because exposure and mockery is the most potent weapon against narcissists and man-children with delusional power fantasies.

Don’t like it? Don’t be an asshole.

Cantwell to FTL “Screw you guys, I’m going home.”

B70BwpfCEAAW5KvNo news is good news which is why SFK has been quiet. FK and Bernard haven’t done anything ruthlessly stupid in awhile aside not giving in and finally buying that clown car. If I reported every idiotic notion that fires across the collective two brain-cells occupying the KAC then I wouldn’t have time for more important things like watching paint dry or helping the library figure out how to remove the stench of Rich Paul from it’s premises.

All good things must come to end. Chris “I’m only as good as those around me” Cantwell opened his stupid race-baiting gob on FTL and let everyone know not only how much of a bigoted shitbag he is but also how dumb of a bigoted shitbag he is. You can read his sob story here and the 93 comments from edgy try-hards still holding high school grudges from the pantsing/wedgie of a lifetime.

He even changed the tag-line of his glorified diary a second time with “abolitionist” becoming “realist” and chummed it up with the far-right dingle berries at “The Right Stuff”. A radical traditionalist blog spewing a sort of smug, hipster white nationalism all over the Internet like a busted septic tank. “Realist” is likely shorthand for “racial realist”, a nonscientific theory that relies on discredited notions of biological determinism to purport differences between ethnic groups aside skin pigmentation or susceptibility for rare conditions like sickle-cell anemia. In short, it’s the same old racist garbage for assholes trying to hide their ignorance behind a curtain of academia. Like a twelve year old who thinks wearing a headband will convince schoolyard bullies that he’s a ninja.

This shouldn’t surprise anyone. Chris’s “libertarianism” has always been a thread-bare cloak hiding what he really is: a bratty man-child whose narcissism finds a natural outlet in the sort of petty reactionary beliefs most people leave behind after 5th grade. What he doesn’t tell you in his 8+ paragraphs of expository bullshitting is that this latest temper tantrum isn’t entirely fueled by FTL’s disinterest in playing host to a racist douchebag. It has more to do with Ian refusing to allow Chris to shack up in his new rental property near Jame’s Cleveland’s 101 Deals in favor of renting it out to GI Schmoe, AKA Matt Phillips. Why? Because Chris is a deadbeat who doesn’t like paying his rent which is the reason he left the “Brutalist House” all those months ago. Don’t let his blathering distract you. He isn’t stoically separating due to ideological difference. This is King Baby taking his ball and going home.

Free Keene Fruitcake II: Lawsuit Bugaloo!

jplosesit jplosesit2 jpbutthurt jptrike

Protips for our favorite bald munchkin:

Being a SUPAH-SMAHT legal beagle should lead you to thinking twice about hurling accusations of criminal acts in a public forum. Especially when the evidence for said acts come from the same place your head currently resides.

Speaking of lawsuits: enough with the bravado about filing federal cases. You don’t scare us and neither does your hilariously ironic threat to use the state against us. Please, call in your buddies in the CIA or whatever branch of the federal government you’re claiming to work with/for this week. We’d love to have a chat with them about Ian Bernard and his friends.

No one forged your certificate, punchy. One of your ex’s sent it to us after she got tired of watching your deadbeat ass constantly lie about who you are and what you do. The only bully and “google nut” here is the bald douche bag with multiple identities and a phony accent to accompany the multiple fraud charges under his belt.

This is the kind of trash FK and friends bring to Keene: dishonest, arrogant, and destructive. Phillips is just one person in a long line of guttersnipes who’ve done little but make life miserable for the people of Keene under the auspices of “liberty” and protecting us from the bogeyman only a dipshit with a hyperactive imagination and a Youtube account would find frightening. Someone should send Ian Bernard a trophy or some sort of award congratulating him for breaking the world record for “Most Emotionally, Intellectually, and/or Physically Impotent Members in a Political Movement”.

Matt Phillips Can’t Wait to Sue Us

jplolsuitpt2 ohhemad

This is the 9001 time Free Keene’s Huffy vigilante, libertarian anti-capitalist, and father of the year nominee has threatened to sick the big evil STATE on us. We’re not worried.  Matt’s grasp on legality is as tenuous as his grasp on reality. Both are amusing to watch as they unravel beneath the volumes of bull- and bat-shittery that tumbles from his mouth or keyboard daily. Anticipate Matt threatening to sue Batman for not being real, Santa for failing to deliver a Nintendo 64, and Keene Police for staging war games in Ashuelot Park and not inviting him as a guest lecturer and teacher for the highly advanced Navy SEAL combat techniques that they named after him.

You know you’re a real asshole when people tell you as much and your reaction is to double-down on being a lying shitheel. No wonder Ian Bernard likes having him around.

Cop Block Scumbag Matt Phillips Blames SFK For His Terrible Parenting

Cop Block’s favorite parking lot commando pedaled his Huffy over to the 8th Circuit Court on the 25th to contest custody of his children with a former partner. SFK makes it a point to appear at all FK-related court hearings and had a few members show up to sit in and take note of any information relevant to our activities. Matt was not happy about this and judging from today’s Keene Cop Block missive he blames SFK for his lackluster court performance:

jploonytoonSome Protips, Matt:

1. If you’re going to pose as your live-in girlfriend then try harder to hide the misspellings, grammtical errors, and incorrect use of capitalization that are the trademarks of a JP Centurion shit-post. Especially when you have “her” refer to herself in the third-person while doing all the above, dumbass. This kind of blatant falsehood would be insulting to my intelligence if I didn’t find it so useful an example of the kind of dishonest sacks of shit Ian Bernard rolls with.

2. Your involvement with FK and it’s activities is nothing to brag about and should give the judge reason to bar you from even coming within 500 feet of a child. But that’s none of my business.

3. SFK appears at all FK-related legal proceedings when possible to take notes and make our presence felt. The nature of your case is irrelevant outside of being wholly telling of how much of an unethical dickhead you are.

4. I recommend editing that bit about your exes lawyer working in cahoots with us. I don’t imagine the checks the The Big Bad State cuts you every month can pay for the legal damages rendered by a libel suit. Moron.

A video of Matt’s interaction with various SFK members from the day of his court appearance will be posted in the next few days. In the meantime, here is a picture of J-to the-P of Cop Block doing what he does best: running to the boys in blue when things don’t go his way. Matt actually called the cops and claimed SFK was “harassing him” despite his definition of such an act labeling everything he and Ian Bernard’s shitshow of a group do as the same.

jpcopcaller

Remember when Senator Bernie Sanders told off FK?

One day, some irrelevant alcoholic Neanderthal and his equally touched friend wanted to be LOLbertarian superheroes. They decided the best way to do this was to “crash” (read: stand around and yell about shit no one cares about) a Sanders election rally here in Keene on the 6th of June 2015. It did not go as planned..

“Because you’re rude, and you’re shouting out things, and I really don’t like that. Now you can put that on youtube.”  – Sen. Bernie Sanders

Upset that Sanders has more fans and supporters than him, the said Neanderthal wrote a long essay (which I won’t link here because the attention produced by his child-like provocation gives him joy) about how Bernie is dangerous and scary because reasons. Who knows with this guy? He’s so piss-pants scared of his “radical leftist” bogeyman that he probably showers with the curtain open and sleeps with a night light to keep away the Marxist reading group plotting revolution under his bed. Skip to the comment sections of the above linked blog posting for extra hilarity as both supporters and detractors of FK pick apart Ian’s bullshit narrative and blatant lies about the event.

marxist-feminist-dialeteic
Chris Cantwell’s Worst Fears Realized

It also never gets old reading or hearing Ian Bernard pretend his second-string team of “activists” are the “independent media”. As if he is fooling anyone into believing emotionally/mentally challenged people being manipulated by a narcissistic sexual deviant with delusions of grandeur as anything but the worst kind of personality cult. Free Keene is the Scientology of libertarianism with none of the money, zero celebrity endorsements, and twice the amount of toxic egoism and shitty writing.