Satirical Twitter Accounts Taking the Mick Out of Creepertarians

A satirical Twitter account calling itself “Not Porcfest” has appeared in the wake of Free Keene’s kiddie porn implosion and it’s dropping the kind of brutal one-liners that almost compels one to mail Bernard a care package with some Preparation H and a burn kit. Here are a few favorites so far with a self-evident warning that these are extremely NSFW.

A second account calling itself “Ian Freeman Googling” is parody account posing as an aggregator of Ian Bernard’s recent Google searches. As stated above, these tweets are extremely NSFW. But oh so hilarious!

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FK Fanboys React to the News

Fanboys and well-wishers of Ian Bernard are upset. Not because they’ve realized they’ve been carrying water for nearly a decade for some amoral freak who is a few sentences off from a walking NAMBLA pamphlet. No they’re upset that SFK shares screenshots of their idiotic conversations. Like this one where the Stone Farm proprietress encourages an internet tough guy to gather information on SFK admins so she can “talk to us”.

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Either Dante is a simpleton or is really eager to impress Katie. Nothing is blocked because we’re a public group, genius. Unlike you clowns we’ve got nothing to hide.

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Hunt the locals. This is the flavor of nutty coat-tail rider that Free Keene attracts.

As for Katie’s sob story: here is SFK’s response.

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Super l33t doxxing skillz, Zer0 Cool! That’s some righteous haxxing compiling a list of administrators on a public forum.

I suggest you take the offered advice of refraining from speaking. Dork.

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I can think of about a half dozen people in your groups who hate Free Keene’s guts and thinks it should die in a house fire. But I think the more important question is why this dumb kid thinks she’s in any position to label us “psychos” given the company she keeps?

More to come as the FK septic tank continues to overflown!

Free Keene Raided by Feds; Child Porn Cited as Reason

Federal officials as well as local and state law enforcement raided the home of Ian Bernard today. News sources say the nature of the raid was to search for materials related to the sexual exploitation of children. Bernard is no stranger to accusations of pedophilia as he has repeatedly stated his belief that children can and should be able to consent to sexual activity with adults.

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Bernard and his cohorts made these opinions known when Free State Project member and noted local buffoon Kyle Tasker was arrested for drug trafficking and attempting to lure a 14 year old into a sexual encounter. Ian was quick to jump to Tasker’s defense and brought up his sexual assault as an 11-year-old while Rich “Dr. Zeus” Paul made his dalliance with an older women at 13 as something to be proud of. An ill-conceived act which promptly got his sorry ass ejected from the Free State Project and banned from attending any FSP-hosted events including PorcFest. Apparently two pedophilia enthusiasts in their organization is too much.

So, Commandant. How does it feel to have it all come crumbling down around you?

Man, it’s good to be back.

Sentient Cockroach Fronts Local Domestic Terror Group

In a baffling example of the bizarre, liberty-loving folks have taken to aligning themselves with the world’s only sapient Periplaneta americana. Housing itself in the city of Keene, the over-sized vermin calls itself Ian Freeman and runs a radio show out of it’s nest on 73 Leverett St. On the show Freeman extols the virtues of moving to NH and getting arrested for petty misdemeanors so he can film it from the sidelines and pelt police officers with accusations of fascism like the brave roach-man he is.

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Freeman after someone turns on a kitchen light. 

Freeman lately took umbrage with SFK lauding the genocide of his people by invoking the terror of exterminators and insecticide gasses. He has labeled SFK a “hate group”. According to polled SFK members, nobody cares because roaches are a disgusting pest. Darth Statist, SFK’s Illuminati liaison and Sith Lord, had a dissenting opinion: “Roaches are gross but have you ever seen Chris Cantwell? Dude looks someone decided to dress a brockwurst up like an alcoholic cab driver.”

Edit: The above post is in dispute. While resembling common household vermin in appearance and behavior, SFK has been informed that Ian Bernard aka Ian Freeman is actually a petty and narcissistic man-child with delusions of grandeur. SFK would like to apologize to insects (humanoid or otherwise) for any harm this mistake may have caused.

Cantwell to FTL “Screw you guys, I’m going home.”

B70BwpfCEAAW5KvNo news is good news which is why SFK has been quiet. FK and Bernard haven’t done anything ruthlessly stupid in awhile aside not giving in and finally buying that clown car. If I reported every idiotic notion that fires across the collective two brain-cells occupying the KAC then I wouldn’t have time for more important things like watching paint dry or helping the library figure out how to remove the stench of Rich Paul from it’s premises.

All good things must come to end. Chris “I’m only as good as those around me” Cantwell opened his stupid race-baiting gob on FTL and let everyone know not only how much of a bigoted shitbag he is but also how dumb of a bigoted shitbag he is. You can read his sob story here and the 93 comments from edgy try-hards still holding high school grudges from the pantsing/wedgie of a lifetime.

He even changed the tag-line of his glorified diary a second time with “abolitionist” becoming “realist” and chummed it up with the far-right dingle berries at “The Right Stuff”. A radical traditionalist blog spewing a sort of smug, hipster white nationalism all over the Internet like a busted septic tank. “Realist” is likely shorthand for “racial realist”, a nonscientific theory that relies on discredited notions of biological determinism to purport differences between ethnic groups aside skin pigmentation or susceptibility for rare conditions like sickle-cell anemia. In short, it’s the same old racist garbage for assholes trying to hide their ignorance behind a curtain of academia. Like a twelve year old who thinks wearing a headband will convince schoolyard bullies that he’s a ninja.

This shouldn’t surprise anyone. Chris’s “libertarianism” has always been a thread-bare cloak hiding what he really is: a bratty man-child whose narcissism finds a natural outlet in the sort of petty reactionary beliefs most people leave behind after 5th grade. What he doesn’t tell you in his 8+ paragraphs of expository bullshitting is that this latest temper tantrum isn’t entirely fueled by FTL’s disinterest in playing host to a racist douchebag. It has more to do with Ian refusing to allow Chris to shack up in his new rental property near Jame’s Cleveland’s 101 Deals in favor of renting it out to GI Schmoe, AKA Matt Phillips. Why? Because Chris is a deadbeat who doesn’t like paying his rent which is the reason he left the “Brutalist House” all those months ago. Don’t let his blathering distract you. He isn’t stoically separating due to ideological difference. This is King Baby taking his ball and going home.

Free Keene: 0 | POTUS Candidates: 2

In a repeat showing of hubris, King Shit of Turd Island himself – Ian Bernard –  tried the old-fashioned ambush interview on libertarian-leaning Republican candidate Rand Paul during a campaign stop at Lindy’s Diner. Lindy’s is a popular spot for stumping politicians to glad-hand locals with the most recent being from Hilary Clinton. Bernard’s attempt to insert himself into the scene met with a brush-off and the consternation/mocking of his peers. Why the FSP hasn’t jettisoned such an arrogant and poisonous shithead is beyond the scope of this blog but you can still enjoy a bit of schadenfreude via the screenshots below!

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SFK to Appear on CMT Documentary “Freedom: The Movie”

Joshua Erickson represented SFK in the documentary feature that will air this Saturday on CMT. The documentary follows stand-up comedian Billy Wayne Davis as he travels the country asking it’s people what their definition of freedom is. NH has become a hotbed of libertarian activity so it was a given that Billy and his crew made Keene a stop on his tour. He interviewed Commandant Bernard and whichever unwashed cult member was hanging out on the KAC porch that day about the Robin Hooding debacle.

shotErickson gave counterpoint to Ian’s whitewashing of his domestic terror campaign and did so happily by informing the production of FK’s alarming beliefs about child sexuality, disregard for basic civility, and a greatest hits medley of asinine bullshit they’ve said and done to the people of this city. Erickson is hoping his “saltiest” comments – which Davis and his crew seemed to enjoy the most – made it into the feature.

You can view the trailer here. The movie airs on CMT this Saturday, July 11th at 9pm.