Season’s Greetings and Some Clarification

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, a Krazy Kwanzaa, and a good Festivus for the rest of us! SFK will be taking a break for the holiday season and will return to regular posting in the new year. We hope you enjoy your holiday of choice as much as we enjoy making fun of Chris Cantwell’s receding hairline!

In the meantime, we’ve prepared a small mission statement by way of rebuttal for our detractors to remind them of what SFK is and is not. It will be posted in the About section for later reference. Keep in mind, this is written for people who can’t chew gum and blog at the same time. Excuse the snarky tone if you can actually count to twenty without removing your shoes.

You don’t have any real desire for conversation.
Been there, done that, and we have the overly long block list on Facebook to show for it. We learned quickly that you pricks don’t converse or honorably debate. FK distorts, denies, or blatantly lies about what it has done and what it really wants. When that fails it sends out the keyboard warriors to metaphorically shit on the carpet and declare victory for Libertopia.

We aren’t interested in “conversing” with you morons anymore more than we’re interested in conversing with a naked vagrant furiously waving his member at a fire hydrant. Both of you are about as effective and comprehensible with their intended goals. Both of you are an embarrassment at best and a danger to others at worst.

We’re not arguing the validity of libertarianism versus whatever bogeyman wants to steal your weed and prevent access to dark web child pornography. We just want FK to stop being assholes. Don’t be an asshole.

You don’t have any real ideas.
What’s that phrase that you like to use? “Good ideas don’t require force?”. Then why are all of FK’s ideas seemingly handed to the people of Keene with a tacit “or else”?

Adhere to my asshat definition of freedom or else I’ll stick a camera in your face and set my unhinged fanboys on you.

Let me do as I please or else I’ll post your name and address on my blog so the crackpots who hang on my every word can harass you and your family.

Let me utilize the benefits of society without having to pay for them or else I’ll bog down the local courts with horse shit litigation.

Let me open an equally horse shit church or else I’ll waste the city’s time and assets arguing that my obvious shell game is a real house of worship.

Here is an idea for those who insist on a thesis for SFK: Don’t be an asshole.

You’re nothing but a hate group and attack site.
Please. Enough of this bullshit. You don’t want dialogue. You want to make some tone arguments and transparently attempt to re-frame our criticisms as politically-motivated because that would legitimizes you

Protip: your politics and ideas are a joke and constitute the fringe of an already fringe ideology. Your threat to the status quo is about as impressive as a fart in a wind tunnel. SFK isn’t here to debate politics. We hate assholes and attack their behavior.

Don’t want to be a target? Don’t be an asshole.

Blah, blah, statist, blah, blah, blah, tax cattle, blah, blah
We don’t care about Free Keene’s religious belief in free markets or digital currency (as funny as they are). Using political slurs and snarl-words against us makes as much sense as calling the Unitarian Universalist Church a conservative evangelical organization.

FK is a personality cult on par with the Westboro Baptist Church. People don’t hate the WBC for being Christian or because they are atheist, Buddhist, Neopagan, etc. They hate them for being harmful, bigoted shitheads.

They reduce the quality of life for any who have been forced to deal with them. They do their part to drop humanity’s collective IQ to slightly above “potato with googly eyes”. They attempt to hurt and harass critics by publishing their personal information, defamatory screeds full of skewed half-truths or outright fabrications about them, and celebrating their tragedies as a victory for the cause.

Don’t want to be likened too such assholes? Don’t be an asshole.

Breaking it down: We don’t like assholes. Free Keene is full of assholes. We mock and expose these assholes and their antics because exposure and mockery is the most potent weapon against narcissists and man-children with delusional power fantasies.

Don’t like it? Don’t be an asshole.

Sentient Cockroach Fronts Local Domestic Terror Group

In a baffling example of the bizarre, liberty-loving folks have taken to aligning themselves with the world’s only sapient Periplaneta americana. Housing itself in the city of Keene, the over-sized vermin calls itself Ian Freeman and runs a radio show out of it’s nest on 73 Leverett St. On the show Freeman extols the virtues of moving to NH and getting arrested for petty misdemeanors so he can film it from the sidelines and pelt police officers with accusations of fascism like the brave roach-man he is.

roachman
Freeman after someone turns on a kitchen light. 

Freeman lately took umbrage with SFK lauding the genocide of his people by invoking the terror of exterminators and insecticide gasses. He has labeled SFK a “hate group”. According to polled SFK members, nobody cares because roaches are a disgusting pest. Darth Statist, SFK’s Illuminati liaison and Sith Lord, had a dissenting opinion: “Roaches are gross but have you ever seen Chris Cantwell? Dude looks someone decided to dress a brockwurst up like an alcoholic cab driver.”

Edit: The above post is in dispute. While resembling common household vermin in appearance and behavior, SFK has been informed that Ian Bernard aka Ian Freeman is actually a petty and narcissistic man-child with delusions of grandeur. SFK would like to apologize to insects (humanoid or otherwise) for any harm this mistake may have caused.