An abridged version of one of Free Keene’s latest blog posts:
Graham Colson isn’t good at keeping friends. Especially when said “friend” is a sentient Christmas ham with a open-carry license, drinking problem, and a political ideology that makes Ian Bernard look moderate. A few nights ago, said Christmas ham fell off the wagon (for the 28th time) and decided to get mouthy with Colson. Literally.
Making this even more pathetic, Derrick Horton is allegedly now charging people for the release of the video footage proving that these “peaceful people” will compromise their ethics for a fat ass dirty dollar. This also proves that Horton is the kind of self-serving and opportunistic skidmark on society that would videotape a violent death and sell it to the highest bidder.
In other news of the pathetic, Ian Bernard decided to take on the greatest edifice of statist evil in our country: high school newspapers. Writing about a controversy involving a student refusing to stand during the Pledge of Allegiance, Ian calls Monadnock High School’s “Pawprint Newsletter” a “propaganda rag” placing it in the same regard as “Der Angriff” and “Pravda” in terms of suppression of dissent and disinformation.
As is often the case, the Free Stooges like to quote (or misquote in the case of the much abused Ghandi) political and historical figures who stand in complete opposition to their politics with zero irony. MG Butler was a staunch proponent of Prohibition (a pet peeve of Ian and his flunkeys) and was an avowed socialist (FK translation: Literally Hitler).
The famous essay he links to was published in summary by the socialist magazine ‘Common Sense” in 1935. He even put his legacy and military career on the line by exposing a plot by various business interests to oust FDR from office. Butler would have probably puked in his mouth after hearing that a bunch of dimwitted cheerleaders for lolbertarian free-market fantasies where using his words as a weapon. Well, after he was done laughing over the target of said weapon being a high school journalism class newsletter.
In a move that surprised few, Ian Bernard and the gang made an appearance at Keene State College’s class of 2015 commencement event to “protest” Governess Maggie Hassan. The response from attendees was less than welcoming with the young accompanying the Governess stating “I’ve waited for this day for four years and you’re ruining it”. The mouth breathing shut-ins and assorted other ineffectual dorks that form FK’s fan base are present in the comments to lend their slacktivist support for what is equal to crashing a 6 year old’s birthday party because their parent’s cut you off in traffic. Feel free to leave your own comment asking why they lend their support to “peaceful” people like Dick Paul.
Speaking of dicks, loudmouth Matt Philips finally ran his gob to wrong person and got an ass-kicking for his efforts. According to the Sentinel and our moles, Matt was found tangling with a young male on Water St. as the man’s female companion looked-on. Matt allegedly refused to stop filming the man as he was attempting to care for his intoxicated girlfriend. This resulted in the woman smacking the camera from Matt’s hands and destroying it. Words were exchanged and it came to blows most of which apparently landed on the 40-year-old Philips as he was reportedly taken to the hospital with injuries.
Stop Free Keene doesn’t endorse violence even if it is against pieces of garbage like Matt Philips. However, anyone who claims they didn’t see this coming is full of it. Philips is a chronic instigator in love with the sound of his ridiculous fake accent and over-inflated sense of self that practically begs for someone plant one right in his snout. Matt got what he asked for and I don’t feel the least bit sorry for him. I want to believe this will be a harsh lesson about treating others with dignity and respect but this is Matt Philips. I’d wager on peace in the Middle East, a liberated North Korea, and Firefly being optioned for a second season before I’d bet on anyone associated with FK suddenly realizing they should stop acting like the world’s biggest asshole.
According to sources from within and without the KAC, Ian Bernard’s teenage ingenue has come to her wits and seen her ex for what he really is: 10 lbs of bullshit in a 9 pound bag. While rumors of simmering hostilities, bizarre love triangles, and the resulting STDs circled among SFK supporters from within the liberty movement it was Ian’s deranged and successful plot to publicly embarrass Renee on her own podcast that sealed his fate. Ian of the House of Bernard, the First of his Name, King of the Idiots and the Rejects and the Foolish Manchildren, Lord of the Turd Kingdom and Protector of Neckbeard Virginity is now without a queen. If you happen to dig manipulative and narcissistic losers whose bravado is overshadowed by a telling lack of progress in their stated goals then now is your chance!
Seeing as SFK has been without a blogger since I took a brief vacation – I volunteered for an alternative spring break helping build FEMA internment camps – I believe its best that we catch up on some of the silly crap Ian and his Free Stooges have said and done. Overall, the running theme you will find in the next couple of screenshots is that of “rats fleeing a sinking ship”. The first sign of low morale in a group is when it’s members start throwing each other under the bus. Case in point:
I think this is the first time I agree with Manic on anything aside perhaps an agreement that Garret smells like wet dog farts. Matt “JP” Philips would be a sad, balding, and irrelevant munchkin of a man if he wasn’t so hilarious when he has these Internet tough guy tantrums at anyone who tells him he’s a scumbag and a liar.
Speaking of Garret, on 4/20/15 he posted the above paean to the Waco debacle while failing to see the hilarity of the act. Garret ruthlessly argues against any suggestion that he’s supports the libertarian equivalent to Jonestown but is here lionizing an apocalyptic personality cult run by a messianic crank who took young girls as lovers and saw himself as a prophet. Sound familiar?
As of the last month, Derrick Horton managed to paddle his douche-canoe into second place on my personal shit list. Being a member of an oppressed minority group has done little to engage what empathetic capabilities he has. The first image is Grade A self-absorption I’d expect from a sixteen year old try-hard and not a grown man trying to front a political movement for freedom. It’s telling where Free Keene’s priorities lay when the most compelling argument its members and allies can make about individual rights is to tell women to go be mothers somewhere else. The last two images show the sinking ship morale over in FK Lolbertarian Land and the levels of paranoia Johnson Rice must have about SFK spying on his doughy ass.
It’s great to be back!