SFK Fan Mail v. II – Arm Chair Lawyer Edition


Hi! I’m Ian Statesman, the new head blogger here at SFK! I’m just as much a self-important windbag as that other Ian except that I tell the truth and don’t intentionally attempt to hurt my fellow citizens and neighbors with lies and innuendo when they disagree with me! I also prefer women who are my age and don’t believe that I can turn my compound/crack den/home into a church to be a bigger drain on society! I hope you enjoy my writing and my abuse of exclamation points!!!

I’d figure I’d begin my tenure responding to some viewer e-mails. Unlike our chum(p)s over at Free Keene, SFK isn’t interested in controversy or arguing with simpletons over the minutiae of some loopy political platform that makes as much sense as Kenny G joining Slayer. We have a stringent commentary policy that we’ve tried to make as simple as possible to understand. If you want to argue, call names, or make some dopey comment about how much smarter you are for being part of a cult then you can go do it at the umpteen thousand forums that welcome crackpots and cranks with open arms. Some people, however, cannot grasp this basic concept of “GO AWAY” and attempt to comment anyways.

Here is the latest crop of anonymous morons who couldn’t take a hint if someone slapped them with it. Some of these are edited for length because FK dorks are nothing if not long-winded and didactic (Hi Garret!). Text from the comments will be in italics with responses in to follow. For the sake of transparency, screen shots will also be available to those who ask for them.

From: Q
Q@Q.com / IP
In Response to ‘FK Coat-Tail Rider Welcomes Sex Offender into the Cop Block Fold”

And 80% of your great great great great great great grandmothers were 15 year old females. You wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for 15 year olds, old enough to be tried as an adult for murder, getting sex.

People back then also thought slavery and child labor were a great idea. Should we bring those back, too? A lot of stupid ideas have a historical precedent. It doesn’t mean they’re somehow immune from being criticized as barbaric and harmful. Treating young teenage girls like property and forcing them into arranged marriages with men almost three times their age is one of those ideas that we threw out with bleeding ill people to “balance the humours”.

There are no allegations of forcible rape in this case. There are many countries in the West such as Spain where such relationships are legal. It is only your statism that makes you call this an “assault”.

The scumbag lied about his age to have sex with a minor. That is by-the-book statutory rape. Are you an idiot in life or do you just play one on the Internet?

The irony of an anti-statist holding up state-enforced laws as evidence. It’s delicious. It’s actually my acute sense of basic ethics and common sense that call this an assault. What do you call it? Probably “a voluntary exchange on the free market” or some other weak jargon-drenched defense for being a mincing pervert.

Doug Hutchison, a TV and Movie actor from “The Green Mile” and “Lost” married a 16 year old. Rapper R. Kelly married the late R & B diva Aaliyah when she was 15. Drew Barrymore married at 16. Singer Ted Nugent became the legal guardian of his 17 year old fiance in 1978. Britney Spears’ sister Jamie Lynn Spears got pregnant at 16 to her 19 year old boyfriend.

R. Kelly also went to trial for video recording himself having sex with and then urinating on a 13-year-old girl. Citing the poor life choices of D list celebrities and wash-ups isn’t a strong argument for your case. It’s doubtful that most college professors would accept People magazine, TMZ, and your dubious taste as a reliable source.

You really don’t have much of a case to be labeling him as a violent sex offender. What other charges have you got? possession of a plant?

Keene is world famous because of the liberty movement. Your hate group will not succeed.

Muh weed! Keene is infamous because of the “liberty” movement and the glorified rodeo clowns it attracts. I’d say our “hate group” (lol) is succeeding at doing it’s job since it convinced some stoned pervert to tap out a half-cocked defense for sexually assaulting children. Sometimes you guys make it too easy to expose FK as the unflushed toilet that it truly is.

M2D@mt2014.com/ IP
In Response to ‘FK Coat-Tail Rider Welcomes Sex Offender into the Cop Block Fold”

Your clearly very ignorant of how the system works.

This is gonna be good.

To start psychopaths find law enforcement very attractive which is problem #1, but it gets worse from there. Everything is set against the accused. The officers target the weak, the prosecutors do everything they can to gain a conviction for political reasons, and the judges are generally complacent.

Correction. Problem #1 is your belief that any one gives a rat’s ass about your loopy conspiracies about law enforcement. What did the monsters do to you? Take your bong? Tell you can’t drive your car with a broken tail light? Or was it one of those terrifying boogeymen known as Parking Enforcement?

What follows is about two paragraphs worth of statistics and assorted boring bullshit that proves Joe believes I give a rat’s ass. We then come to the following gems.

While I’ve got no doubt there are lots of psychopaths out there the law doesn’t give two bits about them or we wouldn’t be in a totalitarian police state as we are today- “papers please”?


A sex crime can include anything from pissing in a garbage can at 2AM, bestiality, and child porn to violent rape. A significant majority of those arrested aren’t violent though and have never hurt another individual. Everybody pleads guilty when the choice is between a few years in jail, or face the death penalty.

Three out of four of your examples involve violating or abusing another being which makes the offender violent by the nature of their actions. Is the best “victimless crime” sex offense you can come up with is urinating in a garbage can at two in the morning? I’m sure those caught doing such a thing don’t get the death penalty or even jail time. Or is that kind of application of common sense too inconvenient for your “police state” narrative?

I’d rather welcome the supposed “sex offenders” than not. Most are not violent as we’re led to believe. In most cases the worst thing thats happened is they’ve violated some arbitrary “moral” code. At least this persecuted minority might have an appreciation for how unjust the system is and get that it needs changing- and have a reason to fight it-because those on these lists are victimized more so than the victims of the supposed “crimes”.

Translation: I’m a giant victim-blaming asshole and rape apologist. Please disregard everything I say as the rantings of a moron who never grew out of his “edgy teenager” phase.

Dear FK fans: Please send more comments because I am lazy blogger and would rather have you illustrate how much of a pack of ignorant cretins you are. KTHNX BAI!

FK Blogger Quits; Cites Ian Bernard’s Dishonesty and Egoism as Reason

Joel Valenzuela has quit FreeKeene.com after criticizing leader Ian Bernard of “airbrushing” non-FK people out of a recent senate committee hearing about bitcoin. Valenzuela took umbrage with Ian’s lack of mentioning the multitude of non-FK liberty folks who were present. He also cited Ian’s incessant egoism and need to diminish the efforts of non-FK liberty activists.

joel1Wild Horton appears! He uses White Knight attack…but it failed!

joelderrick1Valenzuela continues to calmly explain his objections with Ian’s article but is soon dog-piled as every FK coat-tail rider, try-hard, and dirtbag leaps into protect the delicate flower that is Bernard.

joelian joelian2 joelian3 joelian4 joelian5 joelian6 joelian7How much longer before another FK blogger finally sees Ian for who he is?