it’s amazing some of the hoops you folks will jump through to justify theft, murder, and slavery.
So says the lolbertarian crank known as Chris Cantwell. In his latest bloviating piece about “Anti-Liberty bloggers” (read: anyone with a blog who doesn’t kiss his ass) he tries to convince the reader that making fun of deluded clods like him and his buddy Ian Bernard is really bad, mmmkay? Because 30-something guys who think Timothy McVeigh is cool and questionable relationships with girls half their age is OK are inherently smarter than you. You know, you idiots who believe law, order, and indoor plumbing are kind of awesome.
Chris is influenced by the works of Ayn Rand. This shows most heavily in his need to excrete screeds of text that can be consider less “rational argument” and more “stunted adolescent tirade”. But what do you expect from a guy who believes Atlast Shrugged is more than just Dianetics for ineffectual nerds with a chip on their shoulder? We understand our readers’ time is precious so to demonstrate that brevity is the soul of wit here is 5 tips for Cantwell.
1. Stop Being a Try-Hard Asshole. No One is Impressed.
Yeah, we get it. Big tough guy from Long Island who don’t take no shit from nobody, capiche? Thing is, Chris, you’re so full of it that you don’t require anymore donations. You made great hosannas about how you were coming to Keene to “keep it real” and now your skipping town again with your tail between your legs and making the ‘Brutalist House” mobile with that haggard old RV that probably reeks of piss and dead possum.
Your bravado evaporates the minute you’re confronted by someone who doesn’t find your penile-compensation device or cameras the least bit frightening. You evidently believe calling women “whores” and “cunts” makes you look provocative and edgy when it just makes look like a misogynistic jackass. Same goes for your casual homophobia and dropping the word “faggot” like its your last name.
However, watching you turtle up when “confronting” Boston Strong and only finally getting tough when the cops show up was the perfect example of what you are: all mouth and no balls.
2. Get a Job. A Real Job.
Confirming the biases of sexless and angry basement-dwellers is not a job as evidenced by the fact that you are “desperate for money”. Put your supposed IT experience to use and do something more productive than being the go-to guy if someone wants a Minecraft server for their Bitcoin club.
3. Your Site Doesn’t Matter. Stop Pretending It Does.
The people who take you and your site seriously are the same people who tend to believe a shadowy cabal of lizard-people are controlling world governments. The kind of people like Tim McVeigh who inevitable blow up buildings or gun down cops in some utterly lunatic homage to “liberty”. Well-adjusted people only visit your ravings when they need an example of the kind of trash the Free State Project attracts and welcomes into their fold.
We don’t care about the Alexa rating of our site nor it’s profit potential. It only has one purpose: being a thorn in the side of people like you and the rest of the “liberty” crowd. Besides, your broke ass is the last we’d go to for advice on monetizing. However, we do agree that DoNotLink is not going to work for us in the long run. Now we’re using archive.today in order to deny you what little ad revenue a ranting nobody from the fringe of fedora politics can generate.
4. Yes. We’re Haters, Chris. Here’s Our Favorite Flavor of Haterade:
5. An Angry White Dudebro Peddling Libertarianism? Alert the Nobel Committee!
Clowns like you are a dime a dozen. You can spit into a Brony convention and hit about three self-described geniuses who believe the gold standard and isolationism isn’t laughably archaic. It can be assured that they are also in the same boat as you: broke, forever alone, and on their way to living in a shitty RV down by the river.
You’re not a genius, Chris. Your writing – while well constructed – is vapid and replaces substance with length. Your politics are based on tidy little axioms like “force is bad” or “liberty is good”. You dismiss opponents by suggesting they’re inhuman monsters who condone theft, murder, and slavery for disagreeing. This isn’t brilliance or even well-reasoned argumentation. It’s intellectually laziness for people who need to feel and appear smarter than others but don’t actually want to do things that might give them brainy-hurt like thinking critically.
In conclusion, it was wasn’t nice having you around and we sincerely hope we never again have to endure the stench of your toxic presence. Lighthouses rule. You suck, Brutalism is for tools, and your mother dresses you funny. If you disagree, then you like torching orphanages and eating kittens.You smell like onions and feet. Seahorses. Forever.
See? We can be Cantwell-smart, too.