Satirical Twitter Accounts Taking the Mick Out of Creepertarians

A satirical Twitter account calling itself “Not Porcfest” has appeared in the wake of Free Keene’s kiddie porn implosion and it’s dropping the kind of brutal one-liners that almost compels one to mail Bernard a care package with some Preparation H and a burn kit. Here are a few favorites so far with a self-evident warning that these are extremely NSFW.

A second account calling itself “Ian Freeman Googling” is parody account posing as an aggregator of Ian Bernard’s recent Google searches. As stated above, these tweets are extremely NSFW. But oh so hilarious!


FK Fanboys React to the News

Fanboys and well-wishers of Ian Bernard are upset. Not because they’ve realized they’ve been carrying water for nearly a decade for some amoral freak who is a few sentences off from a walking NAMBLA pamphlet. No they’re upset that SFK shares screenshots of their idiotic conversations. Like this one where the Stone Farm proprietress encourages an internet tough guy to gather information on SFK admins so she can “talk to us”.


Either Dante is a simpleton or is really eager to impress Katie. Nothing is blocked because we’re a public group, genius. Unlike you clowns we’ve got nothing to hide.


Hunt the locals. This is the flavor of nutty coat-tail rider that Free Keene attracts.

As for Katie’s sob story: here is SFK’s response.


Super l33t doxxing skillz, Zer0 Cool! That’s some righteous haxxing compiling a list of administrators on a public forum.

I suggest you take the offered advice of refraining from speaking. Dork.


I can think of about a half dozen people in your groups who hate Free Keene’s guts and thinks it should die in a house fire. But I think the more important question is why this dumb kid thinks she’s in any position to label us “psychos” given the company she keeps?

More to come as the FK septic tank continues to overflown!

Free Keene Raided by Feds; Child Porn Cited as Reason

Federal officials as well as local and state law enforcement raided the home of Ian Bernard today. News sources say the nature of the raid was to search for materials related to the sexual exploitation of children. Bernard is no stranger to accusations of pedophilia as he has repeatedly stated his belief that children can and should be able to consent to sexual activity with adults.


Bernard and his cohorts made these opinions known when Free State Project member and noted local buffoon Kyle Tasker was arrested for drug trafficking and attempting to lure a 14 year old into a sexual encounter. Ian was quick to jump to Tasker’s defense and brought up his sexual assault as an 11-year-old while Rich “Dr. Zeus” Paul made his dalliance with an older women at 13 as something to be proud of. An ill-conceived act which promptly got his sorry ass ejected from the Free State Project and banned from attending any FSP-hosted events including PorcFest. Apparently two pedophilia enthusiasts in their organization is too much.

So, Commandant. How does it feel to have it all come crumbling down around you?

Man, it’s good to be back.

Season’s Greetings and Some Clarification

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, a Krazy Kwanzaa, and a good Festivus for the rest of us! SFK will be taking a break for the holiday season and will return to regular posting in the new year. We hope you enjoy your holiday of choice as much as we enjoy making fun of Chris Cantwell’s receding hairline!

In the meantime, we’ve prepared a small mission statement by way of rebuttal for our detractors to remind them of what SFK is and is not. It will be posted in the About section for later reference. Keep in mind, this is written for people who can’t chew gum and blog at the same time. Excuse the snarky tone if you can actually count to twenty without removing your shoes.

You don’t have any real desire for conversation.
Been there, done that, and we have the overly long block list on Facebook to show for it. We learned quickly that you pricks don’t converse or honorably debate. FK distorts, denies, or blatantly lies about what it has done and what it really wants. When that fails it sends out the keyboard warriors to metaphorically shit on the carpet and declare victory for Libertopia.

We aren’t interested in “conversing” with you morons anymore more than we’re interested in conversing with a naked vagrant furiously waving his member at a fire hydrant. Both of you are about as effective and comprehensible with their intended goals. Both of you are an embarrassment at best and a danger to others at worst.

We’re not arguing the validity of libertarianism versus whatever bogeyman wants to steal your weed and prevent access to dark web child pornography. We just want FK to stop being assholes. Don’t be an asshole.

You don’t have any real ideas.
What’s that phrase that you like to use? “Good ideas don’t require force?”. Then why are all of FK’s ideas seemingly handed to the people of Keene with a tacit “or else”?

Adhere to my asshat definition of freedom or else I’ll stick a camera in your face and set my unhinged fanboys on you.

Let me do as I please or else I’ll post your name and address on my blog so the crackpots who hang on my every word can harass you and your family.

Let me utilize the benefits of society without having to pay for them or else I’ll bog down the local courts with horse shit litigation.

Let me open an equally horse shit church or else I’ll waste the city’s time and assets arguing that my obvious shell game is a real house of worship.

Here is an idea for those who insist on a thesis for SFK: Don’t be an asshole.

You’re nothing but a hate group and attack site.
Please. Enough of this bullshit. You don’t want dialogue. You want to make some tone arguments and transparently attempt to re-frame our criticisms as politically-motivated because that would legitimizes you

Protip: your politics and ideas are a joke and constitute the fringe of an already fringe ideology. Your threat to the status quo is about as impressive as a fart in a wind tunnel. SFK isn’t here to debate politics. We hate assholes and attack their behavior.

Don’t want to be a target? Don’t be an asshole.

Blah, blah, statist, blah, blah, blah, tax cattle, blah, blah
We don’t care about Free Keene’s religious belief in free markets or digital currency (as funny as they are). Using political slurs and snarl-words against us makes as much sense as calling the Unitarian Universalist Church a conservative evangelical organization.

FK is a personality cult on par with the Westboro Baptist Church. People don’t hate the WBC for being Christian or because they are atheist, Buddhist, Neopagan, etc. They hate them for being harmful, bigoted shitheads.

They reduce the quality of life for any who have been forced to deal with them. They do their part to drop humanity’s collective IQ to slightly above “potato with googly eyes”. They attempt to hurt and harass critics by publishing their personal information, defamatory screeds full of skewed half-truths or outright fabrications about them, and celebrating their tragedies as a victory for the cause.

Don’t want to be likened too such assholes? Don’t be an asshole.

Breaking it down: We don’t like assholes. Free Keene is full of assholes. We mock and expose these assholes and their antics because exposure and mockery is the most potent weapon against narcissists and man-children with delusional power fantasies.

Don’t like it? Don’t be an asshole.

Sentient Cockroach Fronts Local Domestic Terror Group

In a baffling example of the bizarre, liberty-loving folks have taken to aligning themselves with the world’s only sapient Periplaneta americana. Housing itself in the city of Keene, the over-sized vermin calls itself Ian Freeman and runs a radio show out of it’s nest on 73 Leverett St. On the show Freeman extols the virtues of moving to NH and getting arrested for petty misdemeanors so he can film it from the sidelines and pelt police officers with accusations of fascism like the brave roach-man he is.

Freeman after someone turns on a kitchen light. 

Freeman lately took umbrage with SFK lauding the genocide of his people by invoking the terror of exterminators and insecticide gasses. He has labeled SFK a “hate group”. According to polled SFK members, nobody cares because roaches are a disgusting pest. Darth Statist, SFK’s Illuminati liaison and Sith Lord, had a dissenting opinion: “Roaches are gross but have you ever seen Chris Cantwell? Dude looks someone decided to dress a brockwurst up like an alcoholic cab driver.”

Edit: The above post is in dispute. While resembling common household vermin in appearance and behavior, SFK has been informed that Ian Bernard aka Ian Freeman is actually a petty and narcissistic man-child with delusions of grandeur. SFK would like to apologize to insects (humanoid or otherwise) for any harm this mistake may have caused.

Robin Hood Trial Exposes FK Hypocrisy


If you haven’t been out of town in the last week or so you probably know that Keene’s sapient roach infestation staved off another visit from the city’s metaphorical Orkin man. As some SFK forum members have commented: it’s a hollow victory. The public’s opinion of Bernard’s clown car troupe couldn’t be lower and even his peers are leery of associating with him as evidenced by the lackluster turn-out at this year’s Keenevention. Even if FK was able to pull off another court upset the damage to their good reputation (lol) has been lethal.

None can be blamed for avoiding the toxic group when the trial has expertly peeled back the layers of FK hypocrisy and shown Ian to be the charlatan he is. FK has consistently hid behind the Constitution while demonizing the entities that enforce it. Bernard and his peers have no qualms with showing their disregard for governing bodies and the laws they uphold and in some cases advocating violent action against government workers. Ian is even an avowed secessionist and has used “freeman on the land” hokum to get out of a parking ticket.

FK’s ambulance chaser uses the First Amendment to argue that the city’s request for a buffer zone is an infringement of the free speech clause. He uses a batshit interpretation of Article 8 of the NH state constitution suggesting it tacitly condones being a giant prick to government employees. The question that should be asked is why are anti-statists using the state to protect themselves?

This easily leads one to conclude that FK hypocritically argues against the validity of the social contract while reaping it’s benefits. By way of RationalWiki:

The social contract is a political concept proposing that there is an implied agreement between individuals and the society to which they belong, in which they agree to adhere to that society’s laws and norms in exchange for the benefits of thereto belonging. In simpler terms, it is the idea that people naturally give up a small degree of individual liberties in exchange for the protections of society.

Constitutions and laws are social contracts with governments. Taking aside the usual “then unplug your house from the power grid and go shit in a bucket” argument that FK never seems to be able to refute without lame ass”muh roads” jokes, their Robin Hood defense is predicated entirely on faith in their social contract with the State of NH. Again we ask: Why are anti-statists asking the state to protect them when they otherwise disavow the authority of the state?

We believe other more intellectually-endowed people have already answered the question for FK:

Libertarians, hearing such a description, run gagging to the sink. There are no nations, no communities, no families. Only self-seeking individuals exist, and the “common good” is a term invented by fascist oppressors. This is the only answer they have for any social question, from drugs to pornography to fast food. This shopworn and counterintuitive platitude from the Enlightenment is so self-evidently stupid as to require no refutation, though David Hume supplied one in his great essay on “The Original Contract.” Nonetheless, people such as Ayn Rand and the nerds and geeks who cling to her in the naive belief that her rotten novels will turn them into supermen could never understand the fact that human beings are social animals. This is a part of human nature which no libertarian theory can eradicate, and my advice to them is to find another planet where they can all live in solitary caves, where they can snort coke and watch porn videos to their hearts content. Their ideas are irrelevant, not just to present circumstances, but to the human condition.
Thomas Fleming, Chronicles of Culture

SFK Announces New IndieGoGo Campaign for Rich Paul

In this day and age there is one travesty that we cannot overlook: a man’s right to a clean shirt being forsaken. Since Rich Paul has taken over the KAC as it’s resident clerical ape-man in Chiefwe feel Friar Schmuck here should enter into his office with a shirt that doesn’t sport month-old mustard stains and the stench of cigarette smoke and open ass.

We’re not going to say what we think this stain is.

Others have commented that Rich’s hygiene habits leave much to be desired and this does raise questions if our efforts are in vain. We’d hate for our brand new shirt to end up in a pile with the other detritus of a life poor lived. Nevertheless, we have started this donation campaign to buy Rich a new shirt and perhaps a book on the joys of bathing. Click here to drop a few pence into our jar for Rich’s sake!